


promise

by lisaong



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: EXO-M centric, Hanahaki Disease, Lay-centric, M/M, alternative universe, flangst, layhan friendship, other members mentioned - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-25
Updated: 2017-08-25
Packaged: 2018-12-19 15:23:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,578
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11900553
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lisaong/pseuds/lisaong
Summary: Friendships with a side of hanahaki.





	promise

**Author's Note:**

> This is AU in the sense that all the members who've left still keep in contact with each other and are on speaking terms. 
> 
> And the Hanahaki. Since that isn't really a disease that exists in this universe.
> 
> The Hanahaki disease itself really doesn't play as big a role as it was supposed to; Yixing kind of regards it in a resigned kind of way and I've written the symptoms more mild than I feel like they're usually portrayed.
> 
> Also everything I write tends to end up with other relationships becoming more prominent than the romantic one (at least that's what I've been told) so if you like friendship (??)
> 
> Other than that, happy reading! :)

He stumbles upon the myths of Aphrodite by accident. 

No, no, that’s not entirely true.

Yifan had started it (because when did it not circle back to him at some point?) with an offhand comment about their Solar system and Roman gods and goddesses laced with homesickness so sharp that Yixing had tasted the ache at the back of his throat.

And he can’t.

(He forgets sometimes that Yifan spent a good part of his life in Canada, that he’s from an entirely different world. That what comes to Yixing as naturally as breathing probably sits awkwardly in Yifan, all angles where it should be curves, settling in places where it shouldn’t. That the homesickness they all have likely bites so much colder and deeper in a boy who flew across hemispheres to come train in Korea.

Except that other boy covers it so well, so many walls of granite and marble spliced with crystal strategically placed to give all the wrong insights and impressions. 

Yifan tells the world he’s okay and it believes him.

Until he slips.)

Yixing will learn about these gods and goddesses from a civilization that’s dead and decaying, gathering dust in the corners of libraries and museums, if it means that Yifan will have something familiar to latch onto.

It certainly helps them become closer friends because Yixing has to start somewhere and Yifan knows enough to give him a foundation. The fact that they’re both foreigners in an unforgiving industry means they already gravitate towards each other during breaks. Yifan gives him curious looks when he asks about Rome, but indulges Yixing with what limited knowledge he has. After a few weeks, they’d left that topic behind for other ones far more interesting.

So no, stumbling on Aphrodite wasn’t exactly an accident except Yixing hadn’t been looking for Greek mythos specifically. He’d been attempting to learn more about Western culture in general after a day of grueling practice when the link dragged him here.

What little he can understand of the story is utterly tragic and he clicks away with a sickness in his throat that has nothing to do with exhaustion.

\--------------------------------------  
\--------------------------------------

The first petal is velvety soft and milk-white, pale and fragile between his fingertips as Yixing moves his hand away from his mouth after a coughing fit. Lu han strokes his back soothingly and Yixing notes with some relief that the trembling in his friend’s fingers has subsided significantly now that they’re back on solid ground and moving away from the airport. Yifan looks back at him over Zitao’s slumbering form with a question in his eyes.

Yixing smiles at him in reassurance and closes his hand around the petal.

He might be fucked. He also might be fine. It’s early enough to still be able to shrivel and die before causing any real harm. No need to say anything now so fresh after their debut and heading into their first talkshows.

(Yixing is lying to himself. He’s definitely fucked, had known since he pieced together enough English to really understand the story he found so many years ago. Some things just tended to linger and fester. Maybe that was why Eros came into existence in the first place, because suffocating to death on beautiful flowers was just this side of cruel enough to necessitate a higher power at work.)

Jongdae turns from the window to look at him with a dazed expression.

“I can’t understand anything.”

There’s an all too familiar ache in his voice and Yixing reaches out to curl an arm around his shoulders as Yifan turns to look at the two of them.

“It’s okay,” he says as Jongdae tucks himself against Yixing, “we’re here.”

Their Korean bandmate nods slowly and Yifan returns the gesture with a reassuring smile.

The tender shoots in Yixing’s chest send down roots and take hold in his lungs.

\--------------------------------------  
\--------------------------------------

“I am called Chen,” Jongdae repeats shakily after Lu han’s patient coaching, still stumbling over the foreign notes and cadence of a new language, “I am happy to be here.”

Minseok hooks his chin on Lu han’s shoulder, Yixing can see him rolling the unfamiliar words over his own tongue, testing the feel of them in his mouth. Zitao is sprawled on the ground next to them, eyes half closed, playing with Minseok’s fingers absentmindedly.

Lu han smiles.

“That’s good! Your pronunciation is much better. ”

Jongdae lights up like the afternoon sun at the praise and Yixing feels his own lips twitch into a pleased smile. The door opens and Yifan sits next to him with a sigh, vague exasperation rolling off him in waves after the meeting with their manager. Zitao scoots over, curling up next to their leader like a kitten begging for affection. Yifan indulges him with a half smile forming on his lips, carding long fingers through black hair.

Everything is soft with affection and Yixing closes his eyes, savoring the warmth.

\--------------------------------------  
\--------------------------------------

Kris is an untouchable god, all controlled calm and bad boy coolness. 

Yifan is a homesick boy with insecurities and too much weight on his shoulders.

Yixing would like to say that Lay is the magical healing deity that holds everything together, but Kris isn't completely a stage persona and Yixing definitely has no magical power. The EXO-M leader is colder than ice when he doesn't want to talk and even Zitao looks strained by the thousands of walls that have suddenly gone up. Lu han guesses that it likely has something to do with the contract binding them to SM, but no one knows how to approach the subject because Yifan refuses to talk to anyone.

He's so terribly stubborn. Yixing is helplessly angry beyond all reason.

Between bouts of anger, he also coughs up more petals and begins to notice that they're no longer small and dainty. The new ones are sturdier and overlay their bitterness in his mouth with an oddly cloying sweet taste. He’s definitely in trouble but decides to keep quiet anyway because it doesn't take a genius to figure out what he has, and Yifan is clearly already stretched so thin, he's fraying dangerously at the edges. 

(Yixing begins to think that it extends past just their contract with SM; their leader has admitted, in the dead stillness of night, that there are issues at home and their agent frightens him enough that he doesn’t want to ask for anything. But he’s the leader and it’s his burden to shoulder and Yixing had never been so frustrated and so awed at the same time.

He’d tried to reach out, fingers just brushing Yifan’s cheek when the other boy had turned over in the bed and whispered for him to get some rest.

The conversation had ended there; Yixing had never been able to bring it up again.)

Being part of an idol group has never felt so much like navigating deadly terrain. Except the explosive is Kris’ temper and it’s the careers of five other people on the line.

Things peak briefly when Zitao fights with Yifan and comes to find him, leaning against his side as Yixing toys around with his laptop. The younger boy’s complaints are laced with irritated exasperation but there's an angry hurt there that Yixing understands. He’s been watching Yifan self sabotage in the same despair. So he hums softly and lets Zitao lace their fingers together, listening as his breathing eventually evens out into sleep.

Yifan comes to find him an hour later, asking if he’s seen Zitao and looks so tired and so much older than he should be when he sees the sleeping maknae that Yixing’s heart jolts in pain. He holds out his free hand in an invitation and Yifan comes to sit next to him, head dropping on his shoulder.

“It’s okay,” Yixing whispers, “we’re here.”

Yifan’s fingers curl around his arm and Yixing feels prickling in his chest as another flower blossoms.

\--------------------------------------  
\--------------------------------------

Kris is so fucking beautiful on stage that Lay chokes on his own breath.

He doesn’t know what’s different this time around because they’ve done performances before and it isn’t like the makeup artists are inconsistent in their work. He knows what Kris looks like with dark kohl lining his eyes, glittering underneath bright lights. He’s seen him dance. He hears his voice everyday.

The fact that Kris is attractive isn’t new.

Lay’s visceral reaction to him is.

Yixing doesn’t know what to do.

\--------------------------------------  
\--------------------------------------

Lu han is rigid next to him on the plane back to Korea and Yixing wishes he could do more than wrap his own fingers around his friend’s shaking ones and pray that Lu han will fall asleep quickly. His head throbs dully from exhaustion as he counts the other boy’s rasping breaths, rubbing gentle circles onto skin stretched white over bone and rigid with tension.

“Yixing, Xiumin wants to talk to you.”

He looks up and regrets the decision as the throbbing sharpens in protest. Yifan frowns at him worriedly but continues.

“I’ve got Lu han. Go talk to Xiumin.”

Yixing blinks in confusion but allows himself to be maneuvered away into the aisle and next to Minseok. The older boy asks him some questions regarding his hometown, the city they’d recently visited, but then falls quiet and Yixing tumbles headlong into sleep.

The thought that Yifan switched spots with him for the sole purpose of letting him rest occurs to Yixing long after they’ve landed in Korea and are in their dorms. It makes something warm glow in his chest that eases the tightening of the flowers strangling his lungs.

\--------------------------------------  
\--------------------------------------

SM refuses to give Yixing, well actually any of them, the means to go back home.

This isn’t the first time it’s happened.

(Not just to them. To everyone. They’ve all been denied time off to see their families, to heal, to rest; it’s just, it’s different. It’s different being denied home when Korea is home than being denied home when home is an entirely different country. 

And Yixing _knows_ he’s being unfair when he chafes at his fellow idols but it’s reasonably possible for their families to come see them and he- he hasn’t-

He can only imagine what it must be like for Yifan.)

The dorms are cold and quiet as many of their bandmates are visited by family and head out for the holidays. Zitao had managed to worm his way out of Korea back to China so it’s just him, Yifan and Lu han. Yifan heads out after dinner to walk around. Lu han falls asleep early, having come down with a cold earlier that week and after Yixing makes sure his friend is comfortable, he considers calling his grandparents. It sounds like a good idea right up until the numbers start blurring suspiciously as he’s looking for the contact in his phone and he has to pause a moment before hitting call.

He manages to keep it together until his grandmother wishes him a good year and hangs up. And then, he’s curled up into a ball on his bed, feeling like his heart had up and walked away from his chest. Yifan comes in at one point but leaves him in peace until Yixing feels less like dying and more just resigned to the dull ache of loneliness. The other boy comes back in an hour later and sits next to him, arm curling around his shoulders. His leader is warm and familiar and really, Yixing’s emotions were more exhausting than any fancy dances their choreographers could ever think of.

He thinks he hears Yifan whisper, “I’m here. You’re okay.” as he adjusts them both into a position better suited for rest but Yixing is asleep before he can ask.

\--------------------------------------  
\--------------------------------------

The petals bloom scarlet like splatters of blood. Yixing closes his eyes.

(Too late, too far, too much.)

\--------------------------------------  
\--------------------------------------

Yixing knows Yifan has reached breaking point when he simply stops arguing with SM. 

He doesn’t, however, expect the other boy to take off right before a performance and never come back.

This feels like a betrayal. It certainly burns like one.

(Zitao’s pain flares like a supernova because that boy doesn’t ever _think_ about consequences, and it’s ugly to see the damage that results from it. To some extent though, Yixing wishes he were more like his younger bandmate. Supernovas burned violently but only for a brief time and he’d rather have his heart ripped out in a clean sweep than carved out slowly by a scalpel.)

EXO performs the subsequent shows with a gaping hole their choreographers do their best to cover over.

(They can’t. It’s definitely not noticeable because EXO are professionals before anything else on the stage with thousands of fans watching, but the sense of wrongness lingers at the back on Yixing’s tongue like he’d swallowed bile. He knows the others feel it too from the occasional hesitation he sees during the dance.)

Their combined effort ensures that the performance is a success and afterwards, the choreography is changed to compensate for the missing member. Lay walks off the stage high on adrenaline. Yixing wakes up in the middle of the night, horribly tired but unable to sleep, petals tickling the back of his throat. He coughs them up, the bittersweet taste lingering on his tongue and shoves them underneath his pillow as Lu han stirs next to him and blinks blearily.

“You okay?”

Yixing makes an ambiguous sound and sees his companion frown through the shift of shadow. Lu han shuffles closer to him, throwing an arm over his chest in a half hug.

“It will be okay. We’re here.”

They fall asleep.

\--------------------------------------  
\--------------------------------------

Kris officially leaves EXO. Yixing would like to say that the flowers wilted with the absence of their cause but he’s never been as fortunate as that.

He composes a text to Yifan and never sends it because no matter how he made it sound, it boiled down to ‘why’ and although Yixing knows that Yifan will understand what he’s asking, he isn’t sure he wants to know.

He refuses to acknowledge the fear that Yifan will look at the text and not answer.

\--------------------------------------  
\--------------------------------------

“You need to quit.” Yixing says.

Lu Han looks up at him from a face that is too pale and too thin, lips twisting into a half smile.

“Okay.” He whispers.

Yixing catches one of his friend's clammy hands with his own, feeling something other than silky soft petals clogging his throat.

“Okay.” He says.

\--------------------------------------  
\--------------------------------------

Lu han leaves with considerably less fanfare although SM is no less furious. They don’t talk about the hardships facing their friend as they say their goodbyes. Zitao clings to the smaller boy as they part ways and says something that causes Lu han to punch him in mock anger. Their maknae flees with a squeal to the amusement of Jongdae and Minseok. Yixing turns to Lu han as Zitao occupies the other two for a brief moment.

“Will you be alright?”

Lu han gives him a ghost of a smile.

“I’ve survived so far.”

Yixing hugs him and wishes there were a way he could go with his friend, if only to make sure there was someone watching over him on the plane ride. The other three join them, Zitao draped over Jongdae like an oversized koala. Minseok catches Lu han’s hands and squeezes them briefly before letting go.

“Goodbye. Thank you.” Jongdae says in Mandarin and Lu han smiles at him in delight.

“That’s good. You sound like a native.”

They grin at each other. Someone calls for Lu han and he turns to go. Zitao catches his sleeve right before he can get too far though and Lu han looks back with a frown of confusion.

“Whatever happens, it will be okay, Lu ge. We’re here for you.”

Lu han smiles and leaves. Yixing swallows the bittersweet taste at the back of his throat and turns back to the SM building with the remaining members of EXO-M.

\--------------------------------------  
\--------------------------------------

Zitao falls and tears something in his ankle badly enough that the doctors ask he keep off of it in voices that imply it is less of a suggestion and more of an order. The younger boy follows to the best of his ability, but EXO still has performances to make and Tao is still necessary so he’s on his feet more than Yixing is comfortable with.

(They’re all pushed to the breaking point but Yixing wishes sometimes that Zitao would at least develop some sense of self preservation. Sehun has told him, multiples times on multiple occasions, that he can’t breathe watching Tao perform at times because he’s so anxious that something will go wrong. But Zitao won’t listen to any of them and Yixing can only see this leading to one ending.

He doesn’t have any sense of self preservation either, but that’s not the main issue here.)

Zitao also finds out that Yixing is spitting out petals like a bad parody of a princess fairy tale, and it surprises Yixing how quickly the younger boy figures out who’s causing it. He doesn’t understand why Yixing never said anything to their former leader, but he also doesn’t press too much which is uncharacteristic but also relieving. Everyone knows too much about everyone in EXO, but there are secrets and Yixing likes to keep his.

He doesn’t particularly like the glint in Zitao’s eyes as his bandmate pats his back after he finishes vomiting enough petals to satisfy a wedding planner.

“What will you do?” Zitao asks one night, long after they’re all supposed to be asleep. He’s lying on his stomach next to Yixing, a petal caught between his fingertips. The red looks black in the absence of light.

Yixing shrugs.

“I don’t know. The surgery is an option but it’s not one I like very much.”

“It’s better than suffocating to death.” Zitao says bluntly.

Yixing is quiet for a few minutes.

“But worse than living with everything intact.”

Zitao sighs and drops the petal he was playing with to fold his arms underneath his chin, resting them on Yixing’s pillow. His breathing eventually evens out in sleep and Yixing turns onto his side, counting the soft breaths until darkness claims him as well.

\--------------------------------------  
\--------------------------------------

Zitao leaves.

Yixing would be lying if he said he didn’t see this coming. No one else seems to share this sentiment though and EXO is once again reeling for months afterwards. It doesn’t mean he isn’t angry. It doesn’t mean this doesn’t hurt.

Sehun looks like he lost half his soul. Junmyeon hyung looks like he aged a decade overnight. Baekhyun is horribly subdued. Yixing himself weeps from frustration and pressure.

(He’s all that’s left. There’s no one here anymore. 

“You’re a liar, Wu Yifan.” He says one night, lying on his back on the bathroom floor and gasping for air. Petals rustle prettily in the answering silence. He misses Lu han’s soft, wide eyes. The darkness is smothering without Zitao’s slurred Korean asking about his well being.

“None of you stayed. None of you are here.”

He tastes salt when he sits back up. A part of him still thinks Yifan will come comfort him.

“None of you are here.”

It’s Minseok who finds him and curls around him as Yixing cries and cries.)

“Will you go too?” Jongdae asks him one morning, before anyone else is awake. His bandmate, usually so bright and upbeat, is slumped with resignation. That, more than anything else, is what makes Yixing shake his head.

“No.”

“Okay.” the younger boy whispers and burrows into his side like an anxious kitten, “I like you here with us. I like you. Don’t leave. I’ll miss you so much.”

Yixing nods and curls an arm around him.

“It’ll be okay,” he promises, “I will be here.”

He means it with every fibre of his being.

\--------------------------------------  
\--------------------------------------

His chest is full of needles. His time is running out. Yixing hates all of his options.

He writes song after song to his friends in China, hoping they’ll know that he is still thinking of them.

Zitao writes back. Lu han texts him. Yifan stays silent.

\--------------------------------------  
\--------------------------------------

SM begins to let him expand his horizons and take on more projects which allows Yixing to go back to China more often. He loves it; it’s not exactly like going home, but he remembers the air and people and it alleviates the ache in his chest. China, to some extent, is still home after all.

(The roses he’s starting to vomit up are kind of a problem, but Yixing isn’t letting that stop him from be ecstatic about this.

Okay, the roses are a huge problem, but he doesn’t want to think about it.) 

Lu han figures out he’s back and asks to meet up. Yixing agrees easily, eager to see his friend again. They grab bubble tea together and just talk.

Lu han is doing extremely well in China, having shot up the charts soon after debuting on his own. He looks so much healthier and happier that Yixing can’t bring himself to regret telling him to leave EXO behind. So he doesn’t tell Lu han about how much he misses him in Korea and instead focuses on how the members are doing and how his own projects are going. The hour passes too quickly and they’re getting ready to leave when-

“Zitao says you’re sick. He won’t say with what though.”

Yixing refuses to sigh. He doesn’t quite succeed and Lu han pounces on that with the wide eyed innocence of a fallen angel.

“Zhang Yixing,” he says, “you’re supposed to take care of yourself. What are you sick with? Why are you still sick?”

And because he’s terrible at hiding anything from Lu han, Yixing’s personal floral service decides at that moment to clog his throat and cause him to cough. Fortune loves him enough to ensure there’s only Lu han to witness this, but it’s Lu han witnessing him choke up rose fragments and Yixing wants to explain before his friend begins panicking on his behalf, but he’s too busy trying to breathe.

Lu han also manages to deduce who is behind the scarlet blossoms without any other information after he spends a good five minutes fussing over Yixing.

“If you won’t tell him, I will. I am not having you die from pure stubborn self sacrifice. God, Yixing, your life is not worth his peace of mind. Yifan can handle this.” Yixing opens his mouth and Lu han barrels over him determinedly, “We need to get going, but I’m calling Yifan tonight and asking if you talked to him. If you haven’t, I am telling him.”

Yixing has forgotten that Lu han is a force of nature when he wants to be.

\--------------------------------------  
\--------------------------------------

He doesn’t call Yifan. In his own defense, Yixing fell asleep the moment he finished with work because he’s so tired and wakes up to Lu han’s cheerful text telling him Yifan has been informed.

Yifan, however, does not contact him and Yixing swears he can feel the thorns dig into his lungs like cruel talons.

(Roses are red, violets are blue, the color of death, is red and blue too.)

\--------------------------------------  
\--------------------------------------

 _Ge,_ Zitao’s text says, _please don’t be angry._

 _You’ll thank me later._ Lu han’s message tells him.

Yixing doesn’t know what to make of it until he hears a knock on his hotel door and opens it to someone he hasn’t seen in years.

Wu Yifan.

He kind of wants to punch him. He wants to yell. He wants to cry. Mostly, he wants to hug him. Yixing does none of those things and invites the other male in. The parasitic flowers leeching off of his life tighten around his lungs as he makes polite small talk, unsure of what to say. Yifan doesn’t help much and eventually they fall into awkward silence until- 

“I heard you have the flower disease.”

“Okay and?” Yixing says.

“Lu han says it’s because of me.”

“Do you believe him?”

Yifan looks him in the eyes finally, “You’re angry.”

“You left.”

“I did.”

Silence descends again and Yifan leaves after five minutes. It’s a horrendous reunion. Yixing vomits more flowers and goes to bed afterwards from sheer exhausted defeat.

\--------------------------------------  
\--------------------------------------

“He’s an idiot.” Zitao says.

“He doesn’t know what to say.” Lu han corrects.

“I don’t care.” Yixing grumbles, irritated from a restless night of coughing up petals and Lu han gives him a look of sheer incredulousness.

“Yes you do.”

He does, although he wishes sometimes he didn’t care so much.

Lu han’s tone softens, “It will be okay, Xingxing, we’re here.”

\--------------------------------------  
\--------------------------------------

Yifan comes back a couple days later in the early morning looking apologetic and Yixing really does consider just closing the door because he’s actually going to be busy the rest of today and needs to focus. He doesn’t end up having to make a decision though because the other male speaks up first.

“I’m sorry.” Yifan says and at Yixing’s stare, elaborates, “Not for leaving the kpop industry, but for leaving all of you like that.”

“Okay.” Yixing replies because his mind has drawn a blank and now all he can think about is how badly he needs to gag up the petals building up behind his tongue.

“You’re still angry.” Yifan sighs.

Yixing frowns at this.

“No.”

That seems to confuse Yifan so he continues.

“I don’t think I’m angry. Two years is too long to stay angry. It’s complicated. I never got to resolve anything; give me time to think.”

He coughs after speaking, velvety blossoms catching on his tongue. Yifan absently plucks away a petal from the corner of his mouth and they both freeze. The other boy recovers first.

“Take care of yourself. I’ll see you later?”

He flees before Yixing can answer.

\--------------------------------------  
\--------------------------------------

“Zitao was right, he’s an idiot.” Lu han’s tone is exasperated but there’s an undercurrent of affectionate amusement when Yixing tells him what happened on the phone later.

\--------------------------------------  
\--------------------------------------

Yifan comes to see him again right before Yixing leaves to return to Korea and actually gets his contact information this time. They also manage to hold a pleasant, if somewhat awkward, conversation and Yixing boards the plane feeling light. His feelings are still complicated, but they’re untangling.

Yifan begins to text him regularly.

It takes a week but Yixing wakes up one morning and realises that the tight pain in his lungs has eased. Sehun notices first because they’re in the dance studio together and asks him about how his trip back to China was. They spend the break together talking about China.

“I want to visit Qingdao again.” Sehun whispers, “Actually, I just want to visit China and not be on camera while I’m at it.”

“You should see Beijing and Shanghai. I will be your guide.” Yixing says and then their timer buzzes and they go back to practicing.

\--------------------------------------  
\--------------------------------------

He comes down with some sort of stomach flu and spends a week being miserable. 

Afterwards however, Yixing stops coughing up flowers.

He spends much too long trying to figure out whether that means he doesn’t love Yifan anymore or if Yifan loves him back to come to no answer at all.

\--------------------------------------  
\--------------------------------------

Yifan smiles the next time Yixing sees him. He brings up EXO first and doesn’t look away when Yixing begins to cautiously touch on what the members are up to. In exchange, Yixing doesn’t mention the ugly situation after Kris left and asks about Yifan’s career in China. They’re both careful, but it’s so nice and Yixing has missed just talking with Yifan so much, he can’t really be anything but pleased. 

“You look better.” Yifan observes.

“I have been sleeping more.” Yixing says drily because it’s true. It’s amazing how much more restful the nights are when he doesn’t need to worry about suffocating to death on flowers.

His companion doesn’t look surprised, just hums in acknowledgement and takes another sip of his beverage. Yixing checks his phone and starts at the time.

“I need to go.”

Yifan looks up.

“Okay,” he says, “take care. I’ll see you next time.”

He brushes his hand over Yixing’s shoulder and Yixing feels his heart lurch in his chest. He leaves with his ears burning.

\--------------------------------------  
\--------------------------------------

“I think I still love him.” Yixing tells Lu han and the look he gets is supremely unimpressed.

“You loved him even when he wasn’t talking to you. Did you think you’d just stop because he’s stopped being emotionally confused?”

“But I don’t have Hanahaki anymore.” Yixing says.

Lu han side eyes him.

“Oh my god,” he says, “Yifan is dumb, but you aren’t helping yourself Xingxing. He loves you. He just took forever figuring that out because he insisted on ignoring it.”

“He doesn’t act like he loves me.” 

Lu han looks like he wants to smack his head against the table.

“That’s because it’s Yifan and because you insist on believing he doesn’t think of you that way. Trust me, he loves you. He spent the entire year you weren’t here moping to me about how much he missed you and panicking over whether or not you’d want to see him again.”

Yixing frowns a little at this new information but decides not to ask farther because Lu han looks like he’s going to commit homicide if he has to talk about it any longer.

\--------------------------------------  
\--------------------------------------

No matter how he turns it over in his head, Yixing can’t make one and one equal two. He doesn’t believe Yifan ever felt more than friendship towards him, whatever Lu han insists. The problem is a part of his brain says observes very loudly that he no longer has Hanahaki and since he definitely hasn’t had surgery and he still has the same feelings, it must be Yifan feeling _something._

The other part very logically says that isn’t logical.

His head hurts thinking about it.

He ends up asking Zitao for his opinion because the younger male has always been blunt and straightforward. Yixing needs some straightforward advice right now.

 _Just ask him._ Zitao texts.

He got what he wanted. That doesn’t mean Yixing has to like it.

 _I’m not even going to list all the things that could go wrong._ Yixing responds.

_Then you’ll never know and it’ll interfere with your sleep. It will make you grumpy._

Yixing glares at the cheeky text does not respond. His phone buzzes again after a few minutes.

 _But seriously,_ it says, _ask him. Lu ge might actually go crazy. Besides, we’re here for you, it will be okay._

He sighs.

\--------------------------------------  
\--------------------------------------

Zitao is right. Damn it.

\--------------------------------------  
\--------------------------------------

How does anyone ask about this anyway? Yixing’s written and rewritten the same sentence ten times already and still hasn’t managed to send it. He forgets about the whole thing until Yifan texts him and sends his brain spiralling again. Zitao will just tell him the same thing so Yixing calls Lu han.

“Just ask him.” Lu han says.

Damn it.

“You try asking.” Yixing grumbles and his friend, the traitor, laughs at him.

“I might actually if you keep doing this.” Lu Han threatens and Yixing is mortified.

“Do not.”

The answering hum is not reassuring. Yixing doesn't think Lu Han will straight up ask Yifan, but the older boy is great at dropping blatant hints and as dense as he can be, Yifan isn't actually stupid.

“If he never speaks to me again, you're fixing this.” He grumbles and hits send on the text sitting on his phone for the past week.

“Okay. I've got you.” Lu Han says.

\--------------------------------------  
\--------------------------------------

Yifan doesn't reply to the question. He glosses over it like it doesn’t exist. Yixing can’t really tell if he’s happy about that. He goes back to China for filming a movie and texts Yifan. They schedule another time to meet up and Yixing barely has time to agree before crashing in bed and falling asleep.

\--------------------------------------  
\--------------------------------------

“Why did you ask?” Are Yifan’s first words when they meet up again. They’ve managed to escape the crowds and are walking around together after getting drinks at a cafe.

Yixing blinks dumbly before his brain catches up.

“Uh.” he says, trying to pull his suddenly whirling mind into something coherent, “I was curious?”

He can hear Lu han laughing at him.

Yifan bumps him lightly with his shoulder, “Just curious?”

There’s something in his voice that makes Yixing’s heart do this weird flutter. His chest feels too tight and Yixing would be panicking about needing to cough flowers again except this is more pleasant than painful. Yifan sees his expression and stops walking, pulling him to the side so that they’re even more secluded. They end up right in each other’s space; his wrist caught in a loose grip.

“Just curious?” Yifan asks again, much more softly this time and leans forward slowly. When Yixing doesn’t flinch away, he presses their foreheads together.

“No.” Yixing whispers and kisses him.

\--------------------------------------  
\--------------------------------------

It’s EXO’s comeback once again and Yixing’s phone buzzes in the prep room.

 _Ge, good luck!_ Zitao says.

 _Destroy the stage, Xingxing._ Lu han’s text reads.

 _Have fun, be careful._ Yifan sends him.

“Let’s give them a good time!” Jongdae sings out and Minseok laughs next to him as the rest of EXO agree in one loud unison. They move towards the stage in a well practiced crowd. Lights being held by fans glitter through the curtains shielding them backstage.

_You’ll be okay, we’re here for you._

“We’re here for you.” Yixing repeats to himself and smiles.


End file.
